Will The Real Men PLEASE Stand Up!!!!!!!!

I was listening to Mr. Moody's Neighborhood (shout out to Moody, Cousin Ed, Naturel, and Tracy for an AMAZING show!!) and I was so intrigued by everything the crew had to say. So I'm pretty much just going to be piggy backing off of some of the things they spoke on. Granted there are some extraordinary men in the world and we have a great amount of them right here in the hood. Regardless of that fact there is a significant amount of men (or so called men I should say) who are not stepping up to the plate and taking care of their responsibilities. This is not only fathers I'm speaking on, but also brothers, cousins, uncles, friends, etc. Our young boys and young men are growing up in homes with no positive male influence, no male perspective whatsoever. So they look to other resources, the wrong resources to show them how to behave. Instead of behaving and growing into a commendable young man a lot of these boys are being taught to be drug dealers, thugs, gang bangers, absent fathers, women beaters, rapists, abusers, and so many other things. They use the lives of athletes and entertainers for examples and they try to emulate that behavior. There's no male anywhere to tell these young boys that their behavior is unacceptable. As a result so many of these young boys end up in and out of jail, on the streets for the rest of their lives, or dead. There are even young men who have fathers that live in the home, but the father is so emotionally detached from his child(ren). In my opinion, that's worse than not being there at all. But even when the father is absent from the home physically and/or emotionally where are the brothers, the uncles, the cousins? What are they doing to help raise an upstanding young man? Much respect to those single mothers who are raising young boys because I know it's tough, but in my opinion there are certain things a woman cannot teach a boy for him to grow into a respectable man.

So where are our real men?? Where are the men that will step up and teach our boys how to love their children, how to love their wives, how to be a provider for their families, how to live a life that their children could emulate?? Like it was mentioned in the podcast, it's only about 15% of these men out there. So what's going on with the other 85%? (If you haven't listened to the podcast it's a MUST that you do so.) I wish that there were more men in the world like my father and my grandfather. These men handled their responsibilities as fathers, husbands, and heads of their households. On a personal note I definitely have to commend my father. When my mom passed 7+ years ago my father became a single father of 4. My dad did EVERYTHING in his power to make sure we had all that we needed. He never once ran out on us. He never once let us go without. He'd go hungry before he let my brothers and I go hungry. We NEED more men like that in the world, especially in the black community. There are so many single mothers out there whose children have never known their fathers and it's a shame. (SIDE BAR: Ladies if he was a dead beat when you met him WHY would you lay down with him??!! Put a lock on that thang ladies and throw away the key for goodness sakes!! Close your legs!!!) One thing I think people need to learn to do as parents is pray with and for their children. I'm a firm believer in prayer and I've seen it work. Pray for these boys that are out there in the streets trappin and gang banging. Pray for the ones that are growing up without fathers in the home. That's just my stand on it.


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Comment by sunnydelyte21 on May 21, 2012 at 12:54pm

I couldn't agree more. We need more postive men to become mentors to these young men and show the right way, but the same can be said to female. I have to check out this podcast...

Comment by Lina on September 22, 2011 at 6:24pm
Thank you so much for that, classychick1.  It was such a shock to my family. He was only 22 years old.
Comment by classychick1 on September 22, 2011 at 6:18pm

Lina,  My deepest sympathies and condolences to you and your family upon the passing of your brother. Great post, I totally agree!!!!!

Comment by Lina on September 22, 2011 at 3:53pm

You're so lucky to have had positive male influences in your life.  The funny thing is is that my father was not a deadbeat in the sense that he had a very good career in the Navy. He made it all the way to E-9 (which is not an easy thing to do) and he was highly decorated. So it wasn't like he did not have the money to take care of me and my little brother. And yet I could count on one hand the number of times I saw him in my entire life. He was never there for me and my brother, and sadly my brother past away last year so now he will never get to know his son.  I don't know how any man can go through life knowing they have children out there and not wanting to be a part of their lives.  It's not even about the money. It's about being there to help raise them and offer guidance, especially to their sons.  And on a side note, when you have to watch your own children it's not babysitting, men! It's only babysitting when you are watching children that are not yours.  


Baby Sitting: 

Verb: Look after a child or children while the parents are out
Comment by Cousin Ed on June 23, 2011 at 11:09pm
Comment by classychick1 on January 26, 2011 at 8:28pm

Gosh, I could answer this from on so many levels... Fortunately (for him) I loathe my daughter’s father so intensely… I literally just got sick to the point; I can’t even continue to comment on this… SMH

Comment by Jewess on September 23, 2009 at 8:48pm
When i was growing up i learned men were sh--, not because of what i heard but because of what i saw. I either saw one beating a woman, calling one out of their name, disrespecting her by sleeping with her friends, etc. What i saw didn't make me respect men so i developed an attitude of keep them at an arms length or they'll hurt you. Most of these lessons i learned directly from my father. My parents split when i was three, and the men around me were no better example. When it was time to choose my own mate, ok truthfully i wasn't looking for a mate but a fu-- buddy, i needed relief...anyway i went seeking characteristics i thought made a good man. Now years later I now know there are men trying to hold up a standard, trying to love their wives and children as much as they love themselves.
Comment by MsConfident on September 23, 2009 at 8:34pm
~*Ms i agree with you...1000% *~
Comment by LatinTemptress on July 28, 2009 at 11:17am
I grew up with my father for the first 10 yrs of my life then the marriage ended in divorce and we moved to the US from PR. My mom became a single, hard-working parent. As far as male uncles, cousins, etc they had their own families to attend to. We had no father figure after the divorce. IMO, children need their fathers as much as their mothers and I know that although my own father was no longer there for us, that there are good men out there. Men that through circumstance are not allowed to see their children and spend time with them even though the check is in the mail every week. Men that suffer the injustice of the family court's inadequate system that favors a dysfunctional baby momma over a good father. Men that cannot even talk to their child on the phone because their baby momma is a vindictive bitch or her new man is laying up in her home and won't allow this child to speak to his father. I wish I'd had a father there to teach me and guide me and love me so that I wouldn't have had to learn my lessons through trial and error.
I am also going to piggy-back on the comment by Ms.China: Men teach your sons how to treat a woman. Don't teach them that sticking every chick they meet makes them a man and that if he turns down sex with a woman that he is gay or a punk. Teach them to respect women and show your child what a real relationship is by respecting their mother. Show your sons that honest work is the road to success. Teach your daughters that to love themselves and show her love and pride so that no man could ever manipulate her. Teach her that she is worthy of love and respect and teach her to become an independent thinker. Tell your daughters that they are smart and beautiful so that she doesn't need to seek confirmation otherwise. Real men are out there, I know, I am in a committed relationship with one. ;-)
Comment by Ms. China on June 11, 2009 at 4:41pm
I am a 30 year old mother of three. I teach preschool and also attend University of Phoenix online. I have my own house and car. I said all that to say this....I am raising three kids on my own. The fact that their fathers aren't in their lives pushes me to achieve more and more goals each day. I know people will blame what they do on the fact that their mothers or fathers were not in their lives. Children lead by example, my hard work proves to my children that no matter what may come your way you can do it. Yes at times I do get tired but the joy of knowing my kids have a roof over their heads, have food, clothes, and everything else they need fills me with energy. Using the absence of a parent is just another excuse that one person made and everybody liked it. The lack of a parent should push you to become a better role model for your own children. Although my kids fathers are not in their lives I make sure someone in the family knows whats going on with them. Growing up I was raised by only one parent and it wasn't because she didn't want the responsibility. As a woman that didn't make me decide to leave my kids. People often ask my why I consider my mother such a role model. The reason is although she had reason for leaving I refuse to become what my mother was. When I was pregnant with my youngest son my mother became very ill. Now I could have neglected the fact that she was my mother just as she had when I was younger but as a child of God I stepped up and did what I knew was right. I took care of her from May 2002-January 2007 when she passed away. I don't regret one thing that I did for her in her time of need. The problem with the world today is we hold grudges. So what if your baby's father isn't there step up and be both mom and dad. Don't talk down on him in front of your kids, that was a decision you made. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!!!! Women its not hard to teach a boy to become a man. I'm sure men in your past have hurt you in some way, teach your son the opposite of what you've been through. Men teach your daughter's that everything that looks good to you is not good for you. You have hurt women tell your daughter what to look for to end the cycle. Stop making excuses for the way your life has turned out its nobody's fault but your own. For every cause there is an effect, don't put others in situations you wouldn't want to be in yourself. And when you do things to hurt your fellow man remember......your kids will one day become adults and you don't want the same thing to happen to them. I am a firm believer that you reap what you sow. I hope my comment has not offended anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Young, Black, and Fabulous

AND ANOTHER ONE! “Law & Order” Actress Michelle Hurd Claims Bill Cosby Touched Her Inappropriately On “Cosby Show” Set + Bill Receives Standing Ovation At First U.S. Show Since Rape Allegations

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This list just keeps on growing. Another woman has come forward, accusing Bill Cosby of touching her inappropriately. And she claims it happened on “The Cosby Show” set. Find out what “Law & Order” actress Michelle Hurd said about her encounter and deets on Bill Cosby receiving a standing ovation after a show in Florida last night inside…

On the heels of former supermodel Janice Dickinson rape allegations, an actress has recently come forward accusing Bill Cosby of sexual misconduct.

Former “Law & Order: SVU” actress Michelle Hurd has come forward to publicly accuse Bill Cosby of touching her inappropriately. And get this…it allegedly went down while on the set of his former hit tv sitcom “The Bill Cosby Show”.

Michelle (who is married to actor Garret Dillahunt) claims she was a stand-in on the set of the tv series when Bill started to come at her sideways. She explained,

“LOOK, I wasn’t going to say anything, but I can’t believe some of the things I’ve been reading, SO here is MY personal experience. I did stand-in work on The Cosby show back in the day and YES, Bill Cosby was VERY inappropriate with me.”

The “Gossip Girl” actress talked about a time he touched her inappropriately and claims Bill would continue to ask her to eat lunch with him in his dressing room. Then, she goes on to discuss being touched in ways she did not like and being asked to eat lunch with him in his dressing room.

She recounts a time Bill allegedly tried to get her to his house to wash her hair and straighten it so he could see what it looked like straight. She said,

“I dodged the ultimate bullet with him when he asked me to come to his house, take a shower so we could blow dry my hair and see what it looked like straightened. At that point my own red flags went off and I told him, ‘No, I’ll just come to work tomorrow with my hair straightened’”


But here’s the shocker…Michelle also claims ANOTHER woman working on the “Cosby Show” set, whom she will not name, was allegedly drugged in his apartment. She spilled,

"Turns out he was doing the same thing to her, almost by the numbers, BUT, she did go to his house and because I will not name her, and it is her story to tell, all I’ll say is she awoke, after being drugged, vomited, and then Cosby told her there’s a cab waiting for you outside.”

Wow...any guesses on who she could be referring to?

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Last night, Bill Cosby hit the stage in Florida (pictured above) to perform for his first U.S. show since the recent wave of rape and sexual assault allegations began to spread.

To our surprise, Bill was welcomed with a standing ovation…matter of fact TWO reported standing ovations during his performance. One when he came out on the stage and another once he closed his 90-minute set. By the end of the show, fans were chanting for an encore, but Bill did not come back. He also was well received after a show in the Bahamas the night before.

Following all of the sexual assault claims, Bill’s lawyer Martin Singer has issued another statement and he’s asking the media to stop vilifying his client. It reads,

"This situation is an unprecedented example of the media's breakneck rush to run stories without any corroboration or adherence to traditional journalistic standards. Over and over again, we have refuted these new unsubstantiated stories with documentary evidence, only to have a new uncorroborated story crop up out of the woodwork. When will it end? It is long past time for this media vilification of Mr. Cosby to stop.”


Photos: Getty

NEW RELEASES: Dawn Richard Rocks Her ‘Lust For Life D Swag’ Heels + Nas’ Daughter Destiny Set To Release ‘LIPmatic’ Lip Gloss

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Dawn Richard has a new shoe collection, while Nas’ daughter Destiny is dabbling in cosmetics. Find out about the two ventures inside….

Danity Kane may have been disbanded, but that hasn’t stopped former band member Dawn Richard from making boss moves.

Along with her new solo album Blackheart dropping January 2015, Dawn has ventured into creating her very own shoe collection. The former Danity Kane member teamed up with Lust For Life footwear to create edgy and unique style pumps, boots, stilettos and more.

Today, the Blackheart singer hopped on Instagram to floss her new black and gold open-toe D Swag heels. She posted the pic above with info on how to pre-order with the caption, “Can't say how excited I am to wear my own shoe line. Wearing the #DSwag today. Would love to see how you wear your D's.. Preorder them now at @bdonnas @flyjane @lolashoetiquedolls @stilettoskop @shopakira @heelsdotcom” Nice.

In music news… Following her debut album GoldenHeart, her new LP is the second offering from her three-part trilogy she dubs "The Black Era". Dawn dished on her upcoming independent arrival saying, "This project isn't just about the musical experience but also the visual as well. "This album is the most experimental album of my career as well as my biggest risk taker."

Coming soon to make-up counters....

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You can’t be the daughter of a Hip Hop entrepreneur and not learn a thing or two. Nas’ teenage daughter Destiny Jones (whom he shares with Carmen Bryan) is launching her very own organic lip-gloss line, playing off her pops classic Illmatic album.


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Destiny announced the coming arrival of her “LIPmatic” line on Instagram. And it appears her new line will drop on (or around) Black Friday. She said, ”The samples are in! @lipmatic #comingsoon #blackfriday #LipMatic” This past week, Destiny has been hard at work on photoshoot sets as she gears up for her lippie's release. A YBF chick on her grind....loves it.




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Rihanna is currently back in hometown of Barbados. And she wasted NO time linking up with her 5-month-old cousin/niece Majesty for some quality "Auntie RiRi" time. In a recent interview with EXTRA, Rih dished on showering her little princess niece with MAC cosmestics. Yes...Rih is prepping baby girl for her "diva in training" classes already.

She explained, "I already put on some lip gloss… She likes it. You know what she really likes? Selfies! She loves the camera."

So when does Rih plan to have a baby of her own? "One day, I've got tons of work to do," she said.

And of course....

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The Pop princess got in a quick smoke session as she watched the sunset...in the nude. Same ol island chick...

Photos: Dawn's IG/Destiny's IG/Rihanna's IG/Melissa's IG

NEW MUSIC: Wale's "The Followers" (VIDEO) + Rick Ross & French Montana "Headache" + Mary J. Blige's "Follow"

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In today's new music roundup, Wale's "The Followers" video, Rick Ross teams with French Montana on "Headache" and Mary J Blige connects with Disclosure on "Follow."  More inside...


Wale, who covers the latest issue of Complex with Jerry Seinfeld, will hit the road on January 1st for his "Simple Nothing Tour”, but first, he blesses fans with a visual for “The Followers.” 

Directed by Jon J and Shaun Ross, the video includes a scene from his favorite show, Seinfeld.  The song will appear on Nas’ upcoming Mass Appeal compilation. 

In other news....

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On Rick Ross’s new album Hood Billionaire (due November 24th), he includes "Headache", a collab with French Montana as a bonus. On the track, the two talk about things that give them headaches...like bad rappers.


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Fans of Mary J. Blige and her surprise collaboration with Disclosure, "F For You", will be pleased to learn that the duo hooked up with the Queen of Hip Hop Soul on her latest offering The London Session. The new song "Follow", was co-written by Jimmy Napes and features a funky bass line and synth elements.  The London Sessions drops on November 24th on Capitol. 



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