Will The Real Men PLEASE Stand Up!!!!!!!!

I was listening to Mr. Moody's Neighborhood (shout out to Moody, Cousin Ed, Naturel, and Tracy for an AMAZING show!!) and I was so intrigued by everything the crew had to say. So I'm pretty much just going to be piggy backing off of some of the things they spoke on. Granted there are some extraordinary men in the world and we have a great amount of them right here in the hood. Regardless of that fact there is a significant amount of men (or so called men I should say) who are not stepping up to the plate and taking care of their responsibilities. This is not only fathers I'm speaking on, but also brothers, cousins, uncles, friends, etc. Our young boys and young men are growing up in homes with no positive male influence, no male perspective whatsoever. So they look to other resources, the wrong resources to show them how to behave. Instead of behaving and growing into a commendable young man a lot of these boys are being taught to be drug dealers, thugs, gang bangers, absent fathers, women beaters, rapists, abusers, and so many other things. They use the lives of athletes and entertainers for examples and they try to emulate that behavior. There's no male anywhere to tell these young boys that their behavior is unacceptable. As a result so many of these young boys end up in and out of jail, on the streets for the rest of their lives, or dead. There are even young men who have fathers that live in the home, but the father is so emotionally detached from his child(ren). In my opinion, that's worse than not being there at all. But even when the father is absent from the home physically and/or emotionally where are the brothers, the uncles, the cousins? What are they doing to help raise an upstanding young man? Much respect to those single mothers who are raising young boys because I know it's tough, but in my opinion there are certain things a woman cannot teach a boy for him to grow into a respectable man.

So where are our real men?? Where are the men that will step up and teach our boys how to love their children, how to love their wives, how to be a provider for their families, how to live a life that their children could emulate?? Like it was mentioned in the podcast, it's only about 15% of these men out there. So what's going on with the other 85%? (If you haven't listened to the podcast it's a MUST that you do so.) I wish that there were more men in the world like my father and my grandfather. These men handled their responsibilities as fathers, husbands, and heads of their households. On a personal note I definitely have to commend my father. When my mom passed 7+ years ago my father became a single father of 4. My dad did EVERYTHING in his power to make sure we had all that we needed. He never once ran out on us. He never once let us go without. He'd go hungry before he let my brothers and I go hungry. We NEED more men like that in the world, especially in the black community. There are so many single mothers out there whose children have never known their fathers and it's a shame. (SIDE BAR: Ladies if he was a dead beat when you met him WHY would you lay down with him??!! Put a lock on that thang ladies and throw away the key for goodness sakes!! Close your legs!!!) One thing I think people need to learn to do as parents is pray with and for their children. I'm a firm believer in prayer and I've seen it work. Pray for these boys that are out there in the streets trappin and gang banging. Pray for the ones that are growing up without fathers in the home. That's just my stand on it.


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Comment by sunnydelyte21 on May 21, 2012 at 12:54pm

I couldn't agree more. We need more postive men to become mentors to these young men and show the right way, but the same can be said to female. I have to check out this podcast...

Comment by Lina on September 22, 2011 at 6:24pm
Thank you so much for that, classychick1.  It was such a shock to my family. He was only 22 years old.
Comment by classychick1 on September 22, 2011 at 6:18pm

Lina,  My deepest sympathies and condolences to you and your family upon the passing of your brother. Great post, I totally agree!!!!!

Comment by Lina on September 22, 2011 at 3:53pm

You're so lucky to have had positive male influences in your life.  The funny thing is is that my father was not a deadbeat in the sense that he had a very good career in the Navy. He made it all the way to E-9 (which is not an easy thing to do) and he was highly decorated. So it wasn't like he did not have the money to take care of me and my little brother. And yet I could count on one hand the number of times I saw him in my entire life. He was never there for me and my brother, and sadly my brother past away last year so now he will never get to know his son.  I don't know how any man can go through life knowing they have children out there and not wanting to be a part of their lives.  It's not even about the money. It's about being there to help raise them and offer guidance, especially to their sons.  And on a side note, when you have to watch your own children it's not babysitting, men! It's only babysitting when you are watching children that are not yours.  


Baby Sitting: 

Verb: Look after a child or children while the parents are out
Comment by Cousin Ed on June 23, 2011 at 11:09pm
Comment by classychick1 on January 26, 2011 at 8:28pm

Gosh, I could answer this from on so many levels... Fortunately (for him) I loathe my daughter’s father so intensely… I literally just got sick to the point; I can’t even continue to comment on this… SMH

Comment by Jewess on September 23, 2009 at 8:48pm
When i was growing up i learned men were sh--, not because of what i heard but because of what i saw. I either saw one beating a woman, calling one out of their name, disrespecting her by sleeping with her friends, etc. What i saw didn't make me respect men so i developed an attitude of keep them at an arms length or they'll hurt you. Most of these lessons i learned directly from my father. My parents split when i was three, and the men around me were no better example. When it was time to choose my own mate, ok truthfully i wasn't looking for a mate but a fu-- buddy, i needed relief...anyway i went seeking characteristics i thought made a good man. Now years later I now know there are men trying to hold up a standard, trying to love their wives and children as much as they love themselves.
Comment by MsConfident on September 23, 2009 at 8:34pm
~*Ms i agree with you...1000% *~
Comment by LatinTemptress on July 28, 2009 at 11:17am
I grew up with my father for the first 10 yrs of my life then the marriage ended in divorce and we moved to the US from PR. My mom became a single, hard-working parent. As far as male uncles, cousins, etc they had their own families to attend to. We had no father figure after the divorce. IMO, children need their fathers as much as their mothers and I know that although my own father was no longer there for us, that there are good men out there. Men that through circumstance are not allowed to see their children and spend time with them even though the check is in the mail every week. Men that suffer the injustice of the family court's inadequate system that favors a dysfunctional baby momma over a good father. Men that cannot even talk to their child on the phone because their baby momma is a vindictive bitch or her new man is laying up in her home and won't allow this child to speak to his father. I wish I'd had a father there to teach me and guide me and love me so that I wouldn't have had to learn my lessons through trial and error.
I am also going to piggy-back on the comment by Ms.China: Men teach your sons how to treat a woman. Don't teach them that sticking every chick they meet makes them a man and that if he turns down sex with a woman that he is gay or a punk. Teach them to respect women and show your child what a real relationship is by respecting their mother. Show your sons that honest work is the road to success. Teach your daughters that to love themselves and show her love and pride so that no man could ever manipulate her. Teach her that she is worthy of love and respect and teach her to become an independent thinker. Tell your daughters that they are smart and beautiful so that she doesn't need to seek confirmation otherwise. Real men are out there, I know, I am in a committed relationship with one. ;-)
Comment by Ms. China on June 11, 2009 at 4:41pm
I am a 30 year old mother of three. I teach preschool and also attend University of Phoenix online. I have my own house and car. I said all that to say this....I am raising three kids on my own. The fact that their fathers aren't in their lives pushes me to achieve more and more goals each day. I know people will blame what they do on the fact that their mothers or fathers were not in their lives. Children lead by example, my hard work proves to my children that no matter what may come your way you can do it. Yes at times I do get tired but the joy of knowing my kids have a roof over their heads, have food, clothes, and everything else they need fills me with energy. Using the absence of a parent is just another excuse that one person made and everybody liked it. The lack of a parent should push you to become a better role model for your own children. Although my kids fathers are not in their lives I make sure someone in the family knows whats going on with them. Growing up I was raised by only one parent and it wasn't because she didn't want the responsibility. As a woman that didn't make me decide to leave my kids. People often ask my why I consider my mother such a role model. The reason is although she had reason for leaving I refuse to become what my mother was. When I was pregnant with my youngest son my mother became very ill. Now I could have neglected the fact that she was my mother just as she had when I was younger but as a child of God I stepped up and did what I knew was right. I took care of her from May 2002-January 2007 when she passed away. I don't regret one thing that I did for her in her time of need. The problem with the world today is we hold grudges. So what if your baby's father isn't there step up and be both mom and dad. Don't talk down on him in front of your kids, that was a decision you made. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!!!! Women its not hard to teach a boy to become a man. I'm sure men in your past have hurt you in some way, teach your son the opposite of what you've been through. Men teach your daughter's that everything that looks good to you is not good for you. You have hurt women tell your daughter what to look for to end the cycle. Stop making excuses for the way your life has turned out its nobody's fault but your own. For every cause there is an effect, don't put others in situations you wouldn't want to be in yourself. And when you do things to hurt your fellow man remember......your kids will one day become adults and you don't want the same thing to happen to them. I am a firm believer that you reap what you sow. I hope my comment has not offended anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Young, Black, and Fabulous

PARTIES: Garcelle Beauvais, Tichna Arnold & Louis Gossett Jr. Toast Diversity At Pre-Emmy Party

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The Television Academy celebrated diversity in Hollywood last night with a swanky cocktail reception in Beverly Hills.  See all the YBF celebs who attended inside...

Last night at the Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills....

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The TV Academy and the SAG-AFTRA actors union held its third annual pre-Emmy diversity reception at the Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills where 2015 Emmy nominees mixed and mingled under the stars.

Garcelle Beauvais, who is just filmed Barbershop 3, spoke with reporters at the vent where she shared her views on the importance of diversity. She said Hollywood has to embrace diversity because viewers are demanding to see people who look like themselves on TV. So true....

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"Survivor's Remorse" actress Tichina Arnold was also on hand to celebrate the hard work of her Emmy-nominated peers.  On Instagram, she wrote, "So good to experience my peers getting well deserved accolades for their hard work & accomplishments."

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Malinda Williams stopped by to promote her latest project, Girlfriends' Getaway 2, which premieres Saturday on TvOne at 7pEST.

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"LAHH ATL" starlet Karlie Redd was in the building. We hear she's getting ready to go nude for Playboy Plus, the extension site of the famed magazine.

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Actress Angell Conwell, who stars on "The Young & The Restless" did a spin and a twirl in her black cocktail dress.

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Former "Extant" star Louis Gossett Jr. posed alongside his date.

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Erica Ash, who stars opposite Tichina Arnold of "Survivor's Remorse", walked the red carpet with a new haircut.  It's cute!

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55-year-old Sister Code actress Anne Marie Johnson truly proves black don't crack.

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Jazz musician Kevin Eubanks posed with acting veteran Obba Babatundé.

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Obba attended with actress and film producer Kat Kramer.  These tights....

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Angell posed with fellow soap star Redaric Williams.

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Actor Jimmy Jean-Louis got our award for best dressed man of the evening.

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Casting director Tracy 'Twinkie' Bird was there scouting and applauding talent.

The event was a success, proving that actors of color are a value to Hollywood. In fact, Jason George, head of diversity efforts at the actor's union, told the crowd "Diversity no longer means niche....Diversity is mainstream!"

The EMMY Awards air Sept. 20th.


Photo via Getty

DREAMLOVER: Mariah Carey & Billionaire Boo James Packer Enjoy Another Romantic Vacay Overseas

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Mariah Carey and her Australian billionaire beau James Packer are back on another romantic vacay overseas. Get the deets inside…

R&B songbird Mariah Carey and her Australian "Dreamlover" (who’s worth billions) James Packer are on yet another romantic getaway overseas. YES, we see that rock on her ring finger (look closely), but there is no engagement announcement….yet. We hear it’s her own personal ring.

You’ll recall, earlier this summer the twosome spent much of MiMi’s down time from her Las Vegas residency sailing around on James' yacht (a few times with her twins Monroe and Moroccan). And now, they’re back for round 2.


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The budding couple has already traveled to Sardinia, Ibiza and Israel on their latest voyage. James took MiMi to Israel for the first time on their first romantic vacay and we told you she would be returning for a concert at the Rishon Lezion Ampitheater on August 18th. The Grammy Award winning songstress hit the stage last week…just for her man.

A source allegedly close to MiMi told E! News,

“Mariah gave a concert in Israel, in honor of James, because she knows Israel means so much to him. In return he is jetting her off and taking her to the most beautiful restaurants in the world. It’s been like a fairytale. It’s been incredibly romantic, they love doing sweet things for one another.”

How sweet.

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As they spend more and more time together, it appears the more drunk in love they become. The source also said, “They are head over heels in love. It’s crazy how perfect they are together.”

Are they so much in love that wedding bells be ringing in the future? It’s possible. The source close to the couple claims an engagement is “imminent.” Oh?

Next stop? The happy couple is reportedly headed to Italy. And no telling where they’ll end up after that. But we do know they'll be doing something big in September.

With James’ birthday coming up on September 8th, MC will be busy planning something very special for him. And we’re sure it will be over-the-top-fabulous. We know how she does.

Photos: E! News

OUT & ABOUT: Serena + Venus Williams, Keyshia Cole & EJ Johnson

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A few YBF folks were out and about last night.  Check out what Serena & Venus were up to in NYC, plus EJ Johnson & Keyshia Cole over in Hollywood...

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Keyshia Cole kept it cute and casual last night as she went clubbing at the Nice Guy and 1 OAK nightclubs in West Hollywood.  She rocked her Louboutin spiked sneakers, ripped denim and her pink-trimmed Celine bag to party it up a little bit.


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She's been spending much of the summer at a beachhouse with son DJ.  So it looks like she's made her way back into the city for some nightlife.

Also enjoying the L.A. life:

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"Rich Kids of Beverly Hills" star EJ Johnson grocery shopping at Bristol Farms yesterday, likely picking up some healthy eats to cook up.  EJ's been looking great and keeping up the results of his weight loss surgery through diet and exercise.  Werk EJ!

Speaking of fitness, over in NY:

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Serena Williams was all over the Taste Tennis events before the US Open kicks off.  She posed it up with Jacquie Lee at the Taste of Tennis Gala Citigold VIP Lounge during Taste of Tennis Week at the W New York.


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She looked great in a little black dress and sneakers.

Her big sis Venus was spotted at the Taste of Tennis as well chef'ing it up:

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Flexing those cooking skills.

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Photos: Splash


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