My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...



******************************************


My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....



******************************************


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...



******************************************


I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....



*****************************************


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...



******************************************




After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...



******************************************


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'Wow!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...



******************************************


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...



******************************************


A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

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zabeth(PricelessDoll) Comment by zabeth(PricelessDoll) on January 6, 2010 at 7:58pm
Omg...LMAO!!!...2 funny!!!....!!!

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Young, Black, and Fabulous

Beyonce Preps TWO New Projects (Including New Album) For 2012

One of Beyonce's producers just spilled the beans that the new mom is--unsurprisingly--gearing up for her fifth solo studio album.  Plus, she's got a second project up her sleeve for 2012.  Deets inside...

 

Told y'all this chick was planning album content while she was breastfeeding and changing diapers.  Baby Blue's mom is said to be already setting up to work on a new album.  And yes, B.I.C. will likely be her muse.  Producer/Songwriter Ryan Tedder, who just copped an award at last night's GRAMMYS for contributing to Adele's Album of the Year, 21, revealed some generalities.

He said it goes “without saying” that Bey’s work will have some reflection on her newborn child Blue Ivy, but that “the conversations about her next album literally just happened.”

“You feed her the best that you have. She’s just a phenomenal filter… she can identify what the next thing is,” Tedder said of the “Party” girl, noting that she has “two projects happening” this year. “You just let her go.”

Bey is also conducting a global remix competition for her fans.  The best remix of her track "End of Time" will appear on a future release. 

Here we go...

Drake And Rihanna, Matt & Gloria Govan, Gabby Union & Savannah Brinson PARTY IT Up At His Grammy Afterparty

 
Drake and Rihanna partied it up his Grammy afterparty, shortly after she hit the stage at House Of Blues.  See the party people inside along with Gabby Union, Savannah Brinson, Tyga, Ameriie and Matt Barnes & Gloria Govan....
 

 
After the Grammys, Rihanna performed at the Three Six Zero & Roc Nation Benefit at House of Blues Sunset Strip in West Hollywood. 
 
And afterwards....

Rihanna went over to the Greystone Manor Club for the Grey Goose, Grand Tactics & JL Nights Presents The Take Care Grammy Party Hosted By Drake.  And her brother Rorrey rolled with her.

 

 

Drake clearly enjoyed the Grey Goose sponsorship.

 
Gabrielle Union and Savannah Brinson tweeted a few pics of themselves getting down at the party. 

 
 
Matt Barnes was there with Gloria Govan.  Holding hand and all.  So much for that breakup.  She said they've been "dating again" but clearly things have escalated.

 
Carl Payne was getting his grown man on.....but the thick beard DOES NOT work for him.  Trim it please!

 
A slim and trim Marsha Ambrosius rocked a strawberry blonde coif and sparkling dress.


 
Tyga got his party on. No Blac Chyna?

 
And Ameriie was there too.  But about this hair....not loving it.  Getting a Star Trek vibe..
 
 
 
 
Photos via Valerie Macon/Getty Images North America/Price Williams/ATLPics.net

Nicki Minaj Covers NEW YORK Magazine, Explains Controversial GRAMMY Performance

Nicki Minaj is talking about fashion--and why she's over that world.  The "Stupid H*e" rapper tells New York Magazine that she's not about fitting into the IN crowd.  And she tells Ryan Seacreast why she went the route she did last night....

In a series of candid shots with gritty special effects, Nicki poses for the Spring FASHION issue of New York magazine.  Here's highlights from her interesting perspective about the fashion world--and why she's skipping NY Fashion Week for the most part:

Are you coming back to Fashion Week this time?
I’m not impressed to be in that world. I’m in my own world. I think sometimes the fashion world isn’t even about clothes anymore; it’s about this “in” crowd, and I’m not into that. But I’m doing a Barbie fashion show. They did a Barbie for me, and that is super friggin’ amazing.

So is it safe to assume that you were always interested in fashion?
I’ve always been intrigued by color and by interesting hair. I was one of those weird little girls doing my own hair at the age of 9. I was, like, getting weird gels and new brushes and cornrow holders. I would tweak and perm at the age of 13. When I first went to get my hair colored, I was about 14 and I wanted blonde highlights. The beautician said, “No, you have to get your mother on the phone,” and I was just crying and begging. I’ve always been experimenting. Cyndi Lauper’s videos—that’s what intrigued me.

And you definitely use your looks to get noticed.
I like the idea of doing something that everyone else is not. I get high off that. Just the idea that other people don’t have the balls to do something—that’s my thing.
 

Here's the rest of her pics:

And if you're still scratching your head about her performance last night at the GRAMMY Awards--you're not the only one. 

She talked to Ryan Seacrest today on his radio show and revealed a few things:

On attending the Grammys with a Pope look-alike: “The religious figure is there because he was called on by Roman’s mom to rehabilitate him.”

On her debut performance of “Roman Holiday”: “I had this vision for him to be sort of exorcised—or actually he never gets exorcised—but people around him tell him he’s not good enough because he’s not normal, he’s not blending in with the average Joe. And so his mother is scared and the people around him are afraid because they’ve never seen anything like him. He wanted to show that not only is he amazing and he’s sure of himself and confident, but he’s never gonna change, he’s never gonna be exorcised. Even when they throw the holy water on him, he still rises above.”

On why she chose “Roman Holiday” for the Grammys: “The Grammys chose ‘Roman Holiday.’ The producers of the Grammys came to the studio and I played them ‘Roman Holiday,’ and I could not play them another record after they heard that. They went crazy. I could have chosen to do a no-brainer pop song, but I can’t do it anymore. I have to stay true to what I’m doing.”

Feel like we're listening to a 12-year-old during a tea party with her imaginary friends.  But if that's what works...

Here's the audio in full:

Peep Nicki's performance from last night HERE in case you missed it.

 

And Nicki's Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards promo with Will Smith. The show airs live Saturday, March 31 at 8 p.m.

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