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Permalink Reply by Bam on May 12, 2009 at 5:36am

CONGRATS!!!!!!! YOU ASKED THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION !!!!!!!!!!!! I have been trying to figure out that shit for the longest of time. Only one answere I keep coming up with. Life knows no stupiditiy, like a battered women who stays{:c) Now why she is that stupid or how she got that stupid the world may never know. ( their are literally hundreds (into the thousands) of reasons). So I say, the fact that she is in an abusive relationship maybe no fault of her own; However, the fact that she stays is nobodyelses fault !!!!!

Real Talk, Don't Hate

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Permalink Reply by Lac on May 12, 2009 at 3:32pm

Some women think that it ain't a relationship or he don't love her until he is setting her on fire or beating her like Kunta Kinte. Some actually push those buttons to get that azz whooping. That was actually one of the questions on "diary of a tired black men". Women were saying, "because he loves me". I wonder what they get when he don't love them anymore.

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Permalink Reply by Brooklyn's Finest on May 15, 2009 at 9:57am

This is a GREAT question and , from observation and listening I've come to this:

Some people people have low self esteem, they are not happy with themselves and are just blinded by the fact that they have "someone" even if this person is no good for them. They feel as if they are not worthy of being with another individual so when this individual is good....they are great. When this individual is bad, it's their fault (in their minds) because they are already unhappy so it has to be something their doing.

Another thing is that some people, men and women, NEED to be with someone ...they either believe that they are supposed to have another person (my husband) or that they are complete with another person.

My husband is a person who believes that he is supposed to be married and that he needs someone in his life...prior to me, he was married for 13 yrs to a woman that cheated on him for the entire marriage and I asked him why he stayed, he said he loved her and believed it would work out...I just laughed.

I didn't laugh "at him" ok well maybe I did but I was laughing at the shit people do for love because I Love me a whole lot more than I love you....and you come second...lolol. Probably why I always got controversy in my relationship....LOLOLOLOL

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Permalink Reply by Dee Hill on September 7, 2010 at 3:47pm

Well for me as you get older you get tired of trying to find Mr. right,so you begin to settle for what ever bullshit he throws your way,hoping and praying that he will change one day.and you will have one big happy family.

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Permalink Reply by Lyrical Beauty on September 7, 2010 at 4:08pm

I can understand that Dee, but do you really think you can be happy and fulfilled settling for a man who you know is mistreating you? You can hope that one day he'll change, but what if he doesn't? Then what? Do you continue to stay?

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Permalink Reply by Dee Hill on September 7, 2010 at 6:04pm

No you don't stay.but at the same time when you older don;t have time to go shopping for men.sometimes you only deal with it at the moment.

Lyrical Beauty said:

I can understand that Dee, but do you really think you can be happy and fulfilled settling for a man who you know is mistreating you? You can hope that one day he'll change, but what if he doesn't? Then what? Do you continue to stay?

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Permalink Reply by Miss New York on September 9, 2010 at 3:44pm

Great post, Lyrical!!!! Queen Classy, I'm in TOTAL agreement with you as well!!! I actually asked one of my guy pals this question not too long ago and he said that to an extent, some women fall for the okie doke, so they opt to stick around, while not seeing the bigger picture for what it REALLY is. That's all well and good from his vantage point, but to a certain extent, I believe that some women stay because that's the only life they know and they're afraid of starting over. Now there are some who stay because they have a man with a fat bank account and they feel that just because he's paying all her bills, she owes him, even though he could be paying her bills and treating her like crap at the same time. Some stay because they feel that that's the best they can do when it comes to finding a mate so they settle. But in all fairness, there are women who, no matter what they do and how hard they try to get out of or end the relationship, their mate won't let them go for reasons only he knows and has probably fabricated in his mind.

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Permalink Reply by Miss New York on September 9, 2010 at 3:46pm

I personal think that US WOMEN need to take more responsibility in OUR relationships and learn from OUR mistakes and the role we play in them.

AMEN again, Classy!!!! You just hit the nail square on the head....that's the key.

classychick1 said:

What I write in this post may not apply to all women; it cannot, because like men, not all women are the same. It’s not always easy, but in order to avoid further heartache on our own behalf, I personal think that US WOMEN need to take more responsibility in OUR relationships and learn from OUR mistakes and the role we play in them. There are different categories & percentages of women who erroneously make these important decisions instinctively & remain in these ‘so call’ relationships. There are those who get suckered into an illusion that a man creates to make us think we’re dating a good man, only to be blindsided (at times sooner than later) and find out he’s not but we stay. There are those who come from abusive families to abusive relationships, and continuously date the same kind of men who are negative influences in their lives, but they stay. Then there’s those who are attracted to the “bad boy” figure then wonder why they are being mistreated and they stay. On the other hand, there are many of us who had great male (father, grandfather, male teacher) role models and date shitheads and then stay. I believe the reasons we stay is due to low self esteem, naive or simply addicted to drama. None of us are immune, however; even mature women who has played the field a bit, has encountered at least one man who didn’t treat her the way she deserves., & I certainly don’t think the frequent manipulations and deception of men can or should be ignored or taken lightly!

On the far end of the scope, there are these women who finally meet the man of great character who knows her worth, what she does she do? (SMMFH) She spends most of that relationship anticipating when things are going to go bad. When things don’t, she unconsciously begins to sabotage with the BS because it’s “too good to be true”. It doesn’t feel normal or natural. This is essentially because she’d never been exposed to how real men treat women (she never realized her self worth). Ultimately, instead of accepting this good relationship experience for what it really is, due to her self impaired-ness the outcome could be more heartbreaking if she doesn’t come to her senses. In some of these women’s minds, the arguing, cheating, jealousy, lying and abuse are a real part of the relationship process. When they start noticing the absence of these ‘signals’ they then interpret that as the man pretending, and eventually their “true colors” will appear because again in their minds, to her, all men are the create equal. Unfortunately, for them if the drama fails to arrive, some of these women begins to create BS drama in an attempt to make him show that she was right about him all along? They stay because they simply don't know any better!! SMMHF

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Permalink Reply by Jewess on September 11, 2010 at 5:17am

As everyone has stated there multiple reasons. but fear and loneliness will cause desperation. Desperation will cause you to do unbelievable things just to get a percentage of your needs met.

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Permalink Reply by Cousin Ed on September 24, 2010 at 5:05pm

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